Jul 30, 2021CLIMB THE EVERYMOUNTAINOriginally published as “Finding My Mount Analogue” in Mountain Gazette issue 194, October 2021 — “Without the wasps, a large number of plants which play an important part in holding the terrain in place” No period. These are the last words René Daumal wrote of his last book, Mount Analogue…35 min read35 min read
Dec 1, 2020MAKE A DUMBFUL NOISEThe Rise & Fall of Serbian Turbofolk Originally published in Vice Magazine in November 2011. If you’d like to watch the documentary-cum-chaotic road trip that led to this article, I’ve put the link down at the bottom to avoid spoilers (and also to collect the pageviews in case you decide…10 min read10 min read
Aug 26, 2020MASTER DEBATERSI remember feeling slightly mystified that nobody wanted to run this rambling runaway diatribe on the gun debate right after the Mandalay Bay shooting. Less so upon rereading it. First of all, I’m overwhelmed by the urge to put debate in finger quotes. In most debates, the opposing sides talk…26 min read26 min read
Aug 23, 2020HOW TO SAY FUCK AROUND THE WORLDOriginally published in the Summer 2020 “Travel Issue” of Penthouse — albeit edited to a much tidier length. The first thing any good traveler learns when he and/or she visits a new country are the basic phrases of its native tongue. Hello, good-bye, please & thank you, my name is…13 min read13 min read
Aug 2, 2020On Hart IslandThey’re burying the COVID deaths on Hart Island. The last time I saw Hart Island was from a plane taking off out of Laguardia. I used to insist on flying out of there because I could get to it from my house in under 30 minutes and every time we…16 min read16 min read
Jun 28, 2020ADVICE FOR MY MUGGERSSo a little context here: One night in 2010 I was visiting my friend Nick at his apartment about a block away from Woodhull Hospital in Brooklyn. …13 min read13 min read
Apr 24, 2020IN THE LAND OF THE JUGGALOS A Juggalo Is King(Originally published by Vice in October, 2007) “What is a Juggalo? A dead body / Well he ain’t really dead, but he ain’t like anybody that you’ve ever met before / He’ll eat Monopoly and shit out Connect Four.” –ICP, “What is a Juggalo?” With the possible exception of the Jews…23 min read23 min read
Apr 12, 2020THE WAGES OF BOREDOM (It’s Death!)Originally written April 10, 2014 for vice.com. There is a mantra Christian doomsday enthusiasts all seem to share: “We are living in exciting times.” Well, I doubt they’d call it a mantra on account of the Eastern connotations, but nevertheless, they say it a lot. This sentence, stage-whispered with a…13 min read13 min read
Apr 11, 2020TRIP REPORT: I Went To Lit SoberOriginally written March 21, 2013 for vice.com. The Lit Lounge, if you aren’t from New York, is a leering black hole from which few memories escape intact. If the standard, workaday memory is already 50 percent confabulation, the average Lit memory is about eight frames of reality cobbled together with…9 min read9 min read
Apr 8, 2020I FRAUGHT IN A WAROriginally written April 4, 2014 for vice.com. Isn’t it crazy to think there was a time when ISIS could reasonably be called an “al Qaeda rip-off?” As of today I have spent roughly an hour and 20 minutes in war, and you know what? That’s it. That’s all the war…8 min read8 min read
